The dating game is very much like a board game with rules that must be followed and a need for a set of strategies and tactics to help you win. Break these rules and you’ll find yourself out of the game and waiting for the next round for another try at it. At the end of the day, we all want to be winners, winners in life and definitely, winners in love. If you find yourself unable to go from a first to at least a second date and you haven’t figured out why, you may be committing one of these ten first date mistakes.
1. Talking too much about yourself
Nothing says, “I am selfish and and self-centered” like a one sided conversation in which you’re talking only about yourself. Dates are the screening process we go through to determine if we’d like to spend more time with someone. When someone asks questions about you, it shows genuine interest and desire to know you more. Doesn’t it make sense to that you should let your date know you’re interested in them? Make a concerted effort to find out a little bit more about the person you’re dating, after all that is the point. Who knows, you may catch a red flag from that conversation that could save you months of heartache down the road.
2. Dressing Inappropriately
This one goes both for men and women. Whether you like it or not, as humans, we do judge books by their covers. It’s only natural. We need to make snap judgements about the way things look, if only for our own protection, and the way you dress typically sums up who are as a person. Dressing in clothing that is too revealing sends the message that I am easy and not to be taken seriously. Dressing too slovenly says that I’m a loser and I don’t really care too much about anything. These assumptions may be far from the truth about you so you have to be sure you strike a balance between being yourself and sending the right message. On a first date, first impressions are everything.
3. Being A Terrible Conversationalist
As mentioned previously, dates are like a screening process to learn about someone. Great conversation is imperative in this short span of time. Answering simple, yes and no’s to questions can quickly turn a date into the longest night of someones life. Great conversation happens through dialog, elaboration and details. The more you reveal about yourself, the better a picture you can paint of yourself. Use conversation as a way to draw out the truth from your dates from the start or else the entire event could prove pointless.
4. Being too Flirtatious
Flirting can be a good thing on a date, but it can also easily cross the line to creepy or slutty if you don’t strike the right balance. An easy way to keep your flirt action in check is to pay attention to your dates reactions. Are your flirtatious quips being reciprocated? If you touch, are they touching back? Are they responding favorably in any way? Studies have shown that mimicking your dates gestures can create a stimulated level of attraction. In this case, you can also use it to check yourself before you cross the line.
5. Acting Too Shy
Perhaps meeting new people is an extremely nerve wrecking experience for you, so much so, it causes you to clam up on dates no matter what. There won’t be much of a date if you’re so wrapped up in yourself that your date spends the night trying to pry information or even a decent reaction out of you. The best way to mitigate terrible shyness is to control the environment. If you are most comfortable when you’re in a kitchen, have your first dates in cooking classes. Love pottery? Choose that as a first date place. You get the picture. Being in your comfort zone will help keep you relaxed and also, if possible, allows you to show off your talents.
6. Being Too Judgmental
First dates, in itself can feel like a trial, so it’s the last place you want to make someone feel judged after spending their time with you. However accomplished you are or ridiculous your standards, it’s never a good idea to pass judgement on your date’s views or past experiences because they don’t align with yours. Use this time to learn about your date and reserve judgement until after. Unless you are asked for your unbridled opinion, keep it to yourself and keep it moving.
7. Being Too Aggressive
This one typically happens to those who hear their inner clock ticking away. Fearing that there is very little time left, all of the flirting and fun goes out of the window and you go straight for the serious talk. What’s your view on marriage, how many kids do you want, how much do you make, and your expectations about what kind of person you want your spouse to be isn’t necessarily appropriate first date conversation. You barely know if they’re sane! No matter how much time you feel you don’t have, there should always be plenty of time set aside for getting to know someone well over time.
8. Acting Like An Investigator
No matter how much you try to convince yourself that your need to investigate your dates is a safety precaution, it never really bolds well for starting out a relationship. No matter what information you dig up, you will make a snap judgment without knowing all the facts and the full story. Imagine how easily you can sabotage an opportunity for finding a great potential mate. The need to investigate is on a small level a need to control and that in itself can be a cause for concern.
9. Being Late
It’s just rude, no matter how you slice it and there are very few legitimate excuses for being late. Tardiness is another way of saying, I don’t respect your time, especially if they’ve made the effort to show up at the agreed upon time. As women, we are notoriously late, and that’s understandable considering how much more we have to do. However, we should be building in plenty of prep time to mitigate that. In any case, if you’re going to be late, a courtesy call or text explaining how “truly” late you’re going to be will be greatly appreciated.
10. Being too Occupied
Being busy is not a problem. Answering your ringing phone during a date, more than once is rude on an epic scale. It speaks volumes about how much importance you place on work or even play over your personal love life. If you can’t seem to carve out time to have an uninterrupted date night, you probably need to evaluate whether or not you should be seriously dating anyone at the moment. It’s discourteous and again, shows a lack of respect for other people’s time.
First dates usually suck for most people and half the time, we are the reason things never get passed that first encounter. Bad habits and rudeness can be broken and changed so that you get out of your own way and increase your chances of the being the one your date wants to see over and over again.