Should you ration the passion?

On the dating scene, singles have always taken subtle cues from the messages fed to them in mass media. From fashion to music and beyond, the cues on when the mating dance ends and the uninhibited sex begins is subtly reinforced by what we see in every day life. Just as sports stations bring you scores 24/7 and financial channels ticker-tape the value of major companies around the clock, the mating dance has also become only about the here and now. Instant gratification seems to be the standard, but should that apply to your dating habits, too?

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In their prime years in the dating game, every single believes it’s their right and youthful duty to test-drive all the models & supermodels they can get their hands on. It may, however, be smarter and ultimately more satisfying to chill and wait before letting that key slide in and going for that naked, sweaty spin around the block. Major League Baseball teams will test pitchers with their Triple A team for a few weeks before sending them to the Big Show; here are some reasons you should apply that same logic to your sex life.

Titillate! Would you pay big money to go to a strip club where the fantastic plastic-enhanced exotic dancer struts out from behind the velvet curtain and onto the runway already in their birthday suit? No – the tease is supposed to last a while, long enough for your exotic dancer to gyrate and do their thing in everyone’s face before finally shedding their outfit completely because the payoff at the end is worth it. The same applies in your private life; waiting is a single’s easiest way to accomplish foreplay without even trying.

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Respect me! If a partner is given the chance to know you better, they’ll probably view you less as a grope-a-dope they met in a bar / club and more like a real person who they can chill out with after the shag is bagged. The time-to-copulation in modern relationships has dropped significantly since our parent’s generation, but if you make it all about sex early on, when the thrill wears off, so will your partner’s enthusiasm for hanging with you. Which actually puts you back to square one, in that bar / club looking for a date. Hmm.

Know Who You’re Sleeping With. Seems logical, but if you don’t wait to get to know a little more about who you’re bringing home to shock test the springs on your new mattress, you could be sleeping with someone you’d really rather not. They could turn out to be your boss’ teenage (or underage!) offspring, the cheating spouse whose partner has a lethal anger management problem or even a senior citizen whose plastic surgeon is headed for the surgical Hall of Fame for making a 69 year old look 21. The real horror, of course, is that they look 21 only on the outside; the inside is still 69!

You Don’t Even Like Rabbit Stew. If you don’t want your own Fatal Attraction cooking show happening at your place, wait long enough to get to know more about whom you’re trying to sleep with – trust your inner voice and go with your gut. You could still end up with a psycho who thinks that just because the two of you did the wild thing that they’ve got the right to gouge your eyes out if you even glance at another potential partner. All long-term partners actually have this right, but it’s something that is involuntarily granted after many months, not mere minutes.

And You Are? When your office throws a corporate shindig, everyone is expected to show up and bring a date. The old timers bring their spouses but the singles bring whoever they’re with at the time. If your company has these on a regular basis, your boss is going to have a hard time keeping track of the name of your latest date – imagine the embarrassment if your boss gets their name wrong. Heck, imagine if YOU get their name wrong because it’s too many names to remember! On the brighter side, everyone gets to meet someone new at the next do. Cool.

Fetish Fanatics Served Here! How will you know what your new date is up for if you don’t take the time to ask and find out? Maybe they’re hip to try some things so kinky that you’re too embarrassed to even discuss with your closest friends no matter how loaded you are after a few Long Island Ice Teas. This could be the one person who could satisfy your deepest fantasies but who might otherwise have slipped right by because all you wanted was a generic one-night stand. Of course, the flip side of this is that you’ll also find out what they’re absolutely against. The eight words you never want to hear when you’re about to try something in bed are “What the f#%k do you think you’re doing?”

And Best of All, Sex Gets Cheaper. Your wallet already decides far too much about the quality of your lifestyle.If it were thicker, the construction of your car would have involved more than a few well-fed cows losing their hides in pursuit of perfect leather seats for your German super machine. You probably think that your wallet shouldn’t then also encroach on your personal life, but hitting the bars every night and throwing dead Presidents at the bartender while flirting with everything in sight is a sure-fire way to personal bankruptcy. Getting into a relationship (which is often the result of not jumping in the sack immediately) means that on most evenings, you’ll be at home with your partner eating Chinese takeout before getting horizontal, all for a total cost per evening that easily gives change from a twenty. Yep, you get more bangs for the buck!

Don’t confuse the message here – I’m all for you getting intimate… eventually. Give the waiting game a chance and you could be pleasantly surprised. This is not some “stop and smell the roses” advice but is more about preventing your dating life from becoming a turnstile of nameless partners and hopefully improving the selection process. How does that old saying go? “Good things come to those who wait”. Precisely.

By Tonighter